|The little guy in the middle is me.|
I have always wanted to be a true believer.
This is not strange considering my family history. My grandparents were members of the American Communist Party. This was during the Red Scare, McCarthyism and the height of the Cold War. They believed so deeply in the equality of mankind and the injustices of Capitalism that they were willing to sacrifice their Academic careers (my grandfather lost his job teaching at Cornell and became a Janitor), and privacy (the FBI opened their mail regularly and sometimes put the letters back in the wrong envelopes). They were willing to sacrifice everything for their ideals. Their children did the same.
My mother and her brothers grew up during the height of the civil rights movement and there were plenty of glasses of Kool-Aid to partake in. Good, moral ones. The march on Washington (50th anniversary was just a few days ago), sit ins, women's lib, the fight against poverty... there were many causes worth being invested in. I come from a family of IQs over 150. I come from a family of total failures. I come from a family of true believers.
And that is what I want. Seems strange to say. I don't want to be successful. Financially successful, that is. I was raised to see money as a necessary inconvenience. A thing you need to accomplish in order to do the things you really want to do. Grandparents were Commies, remember.
Flourishing: developing rapidly and successfully; thriving. This is what I need. I need an external cause to devote myself to. I need some Kool-Aid. I need some Kool-Aid which will not make me sick.
I tried the trendy causes of today, as my ancestors did before me. Organic? It has flaws and I tried it for years. It was and is a load of crap. Alternative Energy? I am pro but see the massive alteration of any energy cycle as potentially dangerous. Additionally, there will be little advancement in this area until the technology advances. We will win when we make a discovery. Secularism? I would love so much to drink the Kool-Aid of secularism. I just don't think it exists. Removing superstition and poor reasoning is what the education systems are for. Over the last few decades we have made advancement after advancement toward a more secular world. I, for one, think we are doing great and am just waiting for tomorrow which I think will be glorious.
I have always wanted to be a true believer. I have always wanted a calling. Like a priest is supposed to have. I want a cause which is good. No, great. I want a cause which I can feel good at participating in. I want a cause that I feel is so noble in attempting that it is glorious even to fail.