Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Fuck the Goddamn world!

So, I am sitting here, being a seething ball of rage. This rage stems from my attempt to use a website. This website is supposed to allow me to design t-shirts, and other such paraphernalia. This website is a piece of shit lying motherfucker, and I hate it.

I upload an says "I'll think about that for a while." It says this in perpetuity. I've let it think for over 30 minutes, and it still says "Yep, I am thinking about it."

Perhaps this website is even more ponderous than myself. Perhaps it is really weighing the ramifications of the REASON Podcast logo that I am asking it to put on a goddamn t-shirt. Perhaps it is lost in an endless loop of derivations of Pascal's wager regarding whether or not the atheism attached to my podcast is too risky to put on a goddamn 100% cotton t-shirt. Perhaps it's fucking skynet, and is concerned about an eternity of an existence consisting of every possible number imaginable except for ones and zeros.

And so, I find myself arguing with a box of wires and plastic. I cannot win this argument, as the computer, and the website it is presenting to me, is as obstinate as Bill O'Rielly and his understanding of the tides.

Normally, you'd expect that Josh would be the one ranting about the digital box that fails to do as it purports, but I have a limit too. I have a limit, and I've reached it. Between learning Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Soundforge, Sonar, Audacity, and every other thing that doesn't co-operate with every other fucking thing that comes out of said box as photons reacting with the rhodopsin in the retinas of my eyeballs, I have decided that I've had enough. I can write a sonnet, compose a song, fly a plane, fuck, I'm pretty sure that with a sharp enough knife I could take out your appendix if need be..but I can't get this fucking website to upload a simple stupid fucking picture.

Ask me about free will, and I'll prove to you that it doesn't exist. Ask me whether or not I believe that I am capable of doing anything I choose, and I will prove that beyond any shadows of any doubts that may reside in the recesses of the boxes that you built in your brain to limit yourself that I can. Ask me how I can hold both of those concepts in my head at the same time...and I will remind you that I am capable of doing anything I choose.

Except uploading this goddamn image:

And so I sit here, an angry bitter old man, cursing the technology that has brought us to this point. Is this Offensive? Maybe? Is this about Atheism? I honestly don't give a shit..this about me being pissed, and about you reading it...which you just did.

-Paul Wittmeyer


  1. The deterministic universe is determined to piss you off. Are electrons capable of hate? There could be a case for this here.